About “Everything”

The highest realms of EVERYTHING in my imagination

Once I introduced Emily, an American poetess to a Russian poet. Let call him Alex. And she disappeared out of my sight for a three months, or so!
Today she was back…

Emily said:
I am very angry with you for introducing me to that womanizer?

I said: … Because, I sensed your wish to storm into his hug, remember?

Emili said: I counted on your honesty and trustworthiness.

I exposed my doubts. Really? The book of destiny contains a registration that Alex would be my husband in the next embodiment of our generation?
Maybe the destiny can be changed and you will take him away from me?  

Interference. A third party, let call him Brian, offered his view on given situation. He asked, if he may join the ladies’ company. He said …  
Tata, I want a word with you! You gave Alex to her, and blinded by your generosity, she did not see any underlining in that gifting of yours?  
Almost any lady would miss it, as he is an old fashioned womanizer, skillful to ‘donjuan’ any woman into his trap!    

And she ran into that trap without any hesitation.

The Third Party Brian, continued:
It was still not enough for you, and you are still at your games…
The lady knew who was I, your latest squeeze given to make the old age tolerable.

Why you pointed at me? She had learned nothing, she continues to run with a butterfly catcher in her right hand  … after a cheap Woodstock womanizer, master of one-night stands, capable fell in love only  quarterly… encouraged by you, she runs after me, for God’s sake… Why you are sending her to me — to reload your hidden pain on her frail shoulders? Maybe you are still pondering, if you are a winner or looser?  Are you courageous enough let her duet with me, “Paroles, Paroles, Paroles,” and let me fell in love with her?

Are you sure that creating a new loop, you will emerge as a winner as always? Look into mirror, maybe this is time to stop playing Russian roulette, inching her into my lavendered linens?  Better stop the rivalry, forgive me and take back, take me under your wing. I know, I am worse than Alex, maybe a Don Juan is your destiny after all, it has a brighter side as well. There are no more faithful husbands than womanizers, they never divorce, they never change wives, they never …    

I did not listen anymore… I erased my love story,
I healed my pain,

I decided to ignore loneliness,
I sat down to write an excuse to Almighty why I was giving up his precious gift — to start an unusual family shortly before transition… … 

Here is my letter to Almighty.
“It was my brother, who sent me a book in Russian, a collection of sayings, jokes from the beloved Russian drama actress and comedian Faina Ranevskaya. On the cover, under her stylized portrait was printed:

Family can replace everything. So, before starting a family, one should think what’s more important for him/her: family or everything.

Brian, sorry, I chose “everything”.

Of course, it is not my smartest move. I am already finishing the ride through my eighties… But stupid me still prefers unreachable “everything” instead of happiness to awake between the lavendered linens… Poor me! Lucky me! Cruel me, Empty headed Tata, who avoids looking into mirror on daily bases, doing it only when joining social gatherings to say instead of hello—good bye! Do I still dream become known, if not famous? How stupid can a woman be? Of course—not! Then what makes me run for a bird in heaven, not being able to walk without a cane on earth?

Is it a poison, dream, or irresistible feel of better frequencies that poems bring when reaching my so imperfect and poor mind receiver that catches about a drop out of the mysterious waterfall that heaven sends down into every eager catcher’s head on earth… Nothing can be compared to the joy of touch of these frequencies that introduce us — for a short moment — to the higher realms….

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